Bad friend of the year hoodie

I will be the first one to tell you that i am not a great friend. i might be able to make you laugh or listen and give words of wisdom when you are upset, but when it comes down to it, i am an awful friend.
I know and love alot of people. I concider ALOT of people to be my friends. But as for people that i hang out with on a regualr basis. i have very few.
I have one friend, my best friend, who i think of as a sister. We have always joked that we are the world's worst bestfriends. and when it comes down to it, we really are. but i think it's because it works for us. she understands who and how i am. and likewise with her. we used to be able to go months without talking on the phone and then just call one day and pretend like it wasn't a big deal. we give eachother hell for not calling eachother, but it was all in good fun. i think that after being bestfriends for 6 years, this is the first year we really know eachother's birthdays but i think thats only because we lived together for a good portion of the year. lol.
I have another friend, whom i have known since we were 10. she as well is like a sister. i love her dearly. I think she also understands the kind of friend i am. i am a homebody. i don't go out and do much. and for the most part, i am all about my family. if you want to hang out, come on over. she gets that. she also now lives far away. do we talk on the phone? very rarely. should we talk more? absolutly! but we don't.
i don't understand why.... well, yeah. i guess i do. and it seems like everything always goes back to my mom, but i think my mom passing is alot of the reason that i am who i am today.
before my mom died, i was always with friends. ALWAYS. i was wrapped up in my own little world. who's house would i be at next? who's spending the night? where we going? what we doing? go. go. go.
i didn't notice that my mom was dying.
i mean. i knew she had cancer.
but i look back now, and don't understand how i didn't see it.
maybe i didn't want to see it...

but now, i spend as much time with my family as i can. my friends are my family. but... i think the select few that i hold dearly in my heart, understand why i am the way i am.

i bail out on plans.
alot.

Heather learned that about me. she gets it. but she also gets that i will come up with the lamest excuse to not go out and do whatever it is. i could be extremely excited about my date with the girls or whatnot, but i will find an excuse not to go.
She learned that she has to stand there and not take no for an answer.

I feel bad when i bail. expecially with people from work, like maggie. i love hanging out with maggie. but i feel i need to be home.

*sigh* i don't know. i just feel like rambling. and if you actually sit here and read this crap, i think it's because ur hoping to either see your name, or you're really bored.
maybe we should hang out if you're bored.
hahaha. it was a joke.

Seeings as you're looking for your name, Erica, i LOve you! get a google account so you can comment ;)
Becca, i love you and you're the friend i was refering to. lol.

Mmmk. i have nothing else to say.