Too hot and fat to wear a hoodie

Yep, it's def been awhile since i've done this bit annnd alot has happened, but when it really comes down to it, i have one follower (whom i LOVE) and i am pretty sure nobody is bitting their nails down to the bone to see what happened next in the life of Renee.
It looks like my last blog was in Feb. wow. i am slack.
Hubby and i went on our vacation.... annnnd the opertunity to go on another one, couldn't come soon enough.... BUUUUTTTT it will def be a couple years before that happens agian. Why, you ask? Well, let's put it this way.... this January there will be another child to add to our family portrait. That's right! We're expecting!!! I'm due Jan. 25, 2012. Things are going well. i was sick for awhile and still get my occational puke fest, but for the most part i am feeling much better! With Luci i was sick everyday for 7 months. This is a change... annnd for the better. lol. i am 13 weeks (and 2 days, but who's counting).
One thing that i have noticed about this time around, is HOW HOT I AM. This heat is brutal and it's killin me. i hate it!
Have to go... phone call

My hoodie in big letters says, PROUD MOTHER AND WIFE!

I look around and i see not a messy house, but a very used house. i see action figures on the floor and tu-tus on the chair and straws everywhere. In my bathroom, there are toys in the tub and boxer shorts on the ground and globbs of toothpaste in the sink. It drives me crazy, don't get me wrong. And there are days where i feel like i am more of a maid than a wife or mother. But when it all comes down to it, i wouldn't have it any other way. i love my family. They are wonderful. I love my husband's weird sence of humor and Bible and papers all over the house. I love my son's giggle and wise ass remarks. I love my daughter's goofy faces and high pitched voice. They are a great crew... not the cleanest of the flock, but all in all, they are the best!

Looking forward to not needing a hoodie

I'd just like to say,  i can put a check mart next to the first 3 items on my to-do list and am making progress on the fourth! Thank you, thank you very much!
Now i need to finish cleaning my house, tan, get luggage and get my nails did. The only one i am not looking foward to doing... would be cleaning. Shopping, tanning and nails never hurt a female before :)

So, I finished all the nessisary documents online and then as soon as hubby got home we sat down and looked to spend a little money with an easy slide of the card! ;)
        We booked our hotel for the 2 nights we'll spend in Tampa before we leave. I found an awsome deal on a beautiful place... much bigger than what we needed, but hey, i'm not going to complain seeings as it cost the same as a regular room. This is a small veiw of our room, it also has a kitchen, another bedroom, 2 bathrooms and a dining area!

                                                                                                   

After we booked this, we looked at excursions for our cruise. We are going to go swimming with dolphins!                     

And then we are gonna swim with stingrays!

And we're gonna snorkel in the reef!

While we are in Cozumel, we are gonna go to a national park called Chankanaab. In there, there is a spot where you can dive down about 20-25 feet and there is a huge statue of Jesus. We want to find it and take pictures!

I know i am uber excited. 20 days baby!

Wearing my cleaning hoodie today (i hope)

Need to Do List for our Trip:
                   22 days and counting!

Finishing filling out form online

Book hotel rooms in Florida

Book excursions

Clean House!

I honestly need this vacation more than i origanally reliazed. It's been a hard winter... emotionally. I had a really hard week last week, not only because of my mother's death, but because of everything else. I'm emotionally exhausted. But, sunday's service at church was a much needed one. I heard what i needed to hear and i raised up what i needed to raise up. I left my problems at the alter and reliazed that God doesn't give me more than what He knows i can handle. I keep hearing that i have alot on my plate, so i guess God thinks i can handle alot. I couldn't do it without His help. Thank You Lord.

Today i Have Miss Dorothy and Mr. Connor. It may not be an action pact day, more of a cleaning day. But it's nice to have them so that all the kiddos can play together. *yawn* i just wish i could get some motavation. It seems that lately i have zero motavation. i just can't bring myself to do anything. i guess i just have to force myself.
so... today i guess i will start with the bottom of my to-do list and clean the house... here we go!

she fought a good fight. but cancer won.

I'm trying really hard to keep a good additude today. But i find that as the day goes by, the minutes seem to go slower and slower and my good mood starts to weaken second by second.

                                     Let me explain


6 years ago today i was sitting in class at HCTC. We were learning about the human body and today was going to be the day we got to dissect differant body parts. My mom had been in and out of the hospital for some time now and it was my morning thing to call her once i got to school to say good morning. The first time i called my dad told me she couldn't talk at that time. So i simply said i would call back later. About this time of day, i decided to call back.
Something was wrong. I could tell by my father's voice. He said she wasn't able to talk and i asked if everything was okay.
He paused.
"No hunny. Not really."
That sentence was the one that started my day from hell. I freaked. I had to get home. I needed to be with my Mother. I needed to save the day. My teacher quickly got a sub, i hugged my friends good-bye and we were on our way to the island. When i got home, my dad and my finace were there. We got in the truck and went to the hospital. The rest of the day was kind of a blur. A lot of crying, praying, hugging and telling my mom how much i loved her and how beautiful she was. She wasn't really responisve and the look of her was scary. But at one point, as i held her hand and told her she was beautiful, she snapped out of it and said, "i know." She kept her humor even through death.
                          The day came and went very slowly. Night skys came. My man went to karate and told me to call if he needed me. We just basically sat and waited. Watching her struggle to breath killed me. i hated to say it, but i wanted her to let go. To stop struggling. Go and be with Jesus. If i couldn't have my mother who was healthy and happy... i didn't want to see her suffer like this.
A few minutes before 7 my father got up from her side and went to the bathroom. I sat in his chair and held her hand. The rest of the family talking and crying. Thinking of happy times. My mother always brought that out in people. She always had family around and laughing. This was how she wanted to leave the world. With her loved ones by side and happy. The happy stories continued. My father came out of the restroom and told me to continue holding her hand. Everybody was caught up in a funny story when i noticed my mom wasn't struggling to breath anymore. I was the only one to notice. I checked for a pulse, starting to freak out. I couldn't feel one. was i looking in the right spot? I had to of been... i was in school to be a CNA. this was what we'd been learning. Freaking out now, i kept looking for one. My uncle Rick noticed what i was doing and came over. He checked the other arm for one and told Denise to "get the nurse, Dot took her last breath."

                          I ran. i didn't know where i was going or what i was doing. my mom was gone. she left. she was GONE. Cancer got her. i ran down the hall to the little waiting room. dialed richard and fell to the couch and cried. i cried and cried. she was gone.


                                       6:58 pm my mother went to heaven...



I'm trying to keep a smile on today




                                                                but it's hard. i miss her.

                                                                  

Tonight my hoodie is replaced by a cream blouse with black lacey bows on it. It's titled Madly Deeply In Love

Tonight my hoodie is replaced by a cream blouse with black lacey bows on it. It's titled Madly Deeply In Love <3

I love this man with all my heart. He is defenatly a God send. I prayed for the perfect man when i was younger and our Lord Jesus Christ blessed me with him. For sure! 
           We met when i was 15. Fell in love when i was 16. Got engaged when i was 17. Got married when i was 18. Got pregnant when i was 19. Had our first child when i was 20.
We've been through hell and back. It hasn't always been a fairy tale. He was there when i lost my mom. 8 months later, we found out he had liver disease and needed a transplant. God healed him and opened his eyes to Christ's love. We have Lucille together and Andruw is now basically mine. Not by blood but by love.

Today is Valentine's Day and i just wanted to tell the world how wonderful my husband is. I love him dearly and thank God for him!

                            Happy Valentine's Day everbody!

This week my hoodie read Inspector Gadget

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-JHfXVlkik

A couple years ago i got hooked on these books by Janet Evanovich... the Stephanie Plum series. She's a goofy, sexy bounty hunter. Ever since then, i have kind of had a thing for trying to sold mysteries and track people down. This week (with the help of my partner in crime, Red Robbin) me (Blondecurler1) and her did private investigating.
It's really a long, sad story that hopefully one day will come to a happy ending, but right now in the story it has to do with a messy divorce, 2 little kids, a ex-wife who is dating a molester and an unset bipolar father. I truley hope this story will have a happy ending, because in all reality, it's a true story and happening to ones i love dearly.
Red Robbin and I did background checks, phone calls, kept secrets, contacted the athorities, made a decoy, talked with the perp as the decoy, got the info, got the details and confronted the stupid mother.
A long week of stress, anxiety and emotions is coming to an end with a birthday party of one of the girls with the rightful parent; the father. The father who loves these girls with his whole heart and would never let them be in harms way.

Today i pray that the father gets rightful custody and that the girls are not emtionally damaged from this year. Bless them all Father. In your precious name i pray, Amen.

Go Gadget Go

Bad friend of the year hoodie

I will be the first one to tell you that i am not a great friend. i might be able to make you laugh or listen and give words of wisdom when you are upset, but when it comes down to it, i am an awful friend.
I know and love alot of people. I concider ALOT of people to be my friends. But as for people that i hang out with on a regualr basis. i have very few.
I have one friend, my best friend, who i think of as a sister. We have always joked that we are the world's worst bestfriends. and when it comes down to it, we really are. but i think it's because it works for us. she understands who and how i am. and likewise with her. we used to be able to go months without talking on the phone and then just call one day and pretend like it wasn't a big deal. we give eachother hell for not calling eachother, but it was all in good fun. i think that after being bestfriends for 6 years, this is the first year we really know eachother's birthdays but i think thats only because we lived together for a good portion of the year. lol.
I have another friend, whom i have known since we were 10. she as well is like a sister. i love her dearly. I think she also understands the kind of friend i am. i am a homebody. i don't go out and do much. and for the most part, i am all about my family. if you want to hang out, come on over. she gets that. she also now lives far away. do we talk on the phone? very rarely. should we talk more? absolutly! but we don't.
i don't understand why.... well, yeah. i guess i do. and it seems like everything always goes back to my mom, but i think my mom passing is alot of the reason that i am who i am today.
before my mom died, i was always with friends. ALWAYS. i was wrapped up in my own little world. who's house would i be at next? who's spending the night? where we going? what we doing? go. go. go.
i didn't notice that my mom was dying.
i mean. i knew she had cancer.
but i look back now, and don't understand how i didn't see it.
maybe i didn't want to see it...

but now, i spend as much time with my family as i can. my friends are my family. but... i think the select few that i hold dearly in my heart, understand why i am the way i am.

i bail out on plans.
alot.

Heather learned that about me. she gets it. but she also gets that i will come up with the lamest excuse to not go out and do whatever it is. i could be extremely excited about my date with the girls or whatnot, but i will find an excuse not to go.
She learned that she has to stand there and not take no for an answer.

I feel bad when i bail. expecially with people from work, like maggie. i love hanging out with maggie. but i feel i need to be home.

*sigh* i don't know. i just feel like rambling. and if you actually sit here and read this crap, i think it's because ur hoping to either see your name, or you're really bored.
maybe we should hang out if you're bored.
hahaha. it was a joke.

Seeings as you're looking for your name, Erica, i LOve you! get a google account so you can comment ;)
Becca, i love you and you're the friend i was refering to. lol.

Mmmk. i have nothing else to say.

Today my hoodie reads: Happy for my Mom

I find that i am alot like my mother. It's not a bad thing. I love my mother dearly and miss her with all my heart, but she was the heart and soul of the family. After she passed away, i hate to say it, but the family crumbled. I grew up thinking i had the best family (i love my family, dont get me wrong) but i thought that we were the closest, most loving family there was. "The Boisvert Maffia" as some joked.
We all did everything together. The whole family would join together at least once a week, even if it was just for a meal or a cookout. I thought of my cousins like sisters and knew everything about everybody. That was the way it was and thats how we liked it.
After my mom died, everything changed! The family fought. We had to "pick sides" because certian parts of the family didn't get along with the other parts. There were yelling matches and screaming and crying. There were times when we didn't speak to eachother. And now, almost 6 years later, things seem much better than they were, they aren't and i don't believe will ever be, the same. We get together on holidays and birthdays and such, but we don't all just show up at eachother's houses for a lasagna dinner, for example.
So, after all these years, i reliazed that my mother was constatly putting out the fires. She was the "go-to" women when there was a problem. No matter what it was, she fixed it.... with the whole family! She made it so life seemed perfect and after she died, there wasn't that person to make the world go round. And sadly, we all relized how un-perfect a family we really were.

Now i am by no means saying we are a bad family. We are still filled with tons of love. We are like every family though. We have our flaws and our fights. But being a family that never really delt with it before, it seemed like the world came crashing down.

A women brought to my attention (and it wasn't the first time i'd heard it) that it seems like i have taken my mother's roll. I am the one people call now when there is a problem. I am the one they call when they need something. It's fine. I love to help.
i don't believe i have fully taken on her roll though. She did so much more than i even think of doing. My mother raised and loved 6 children and that didn't include the hundreds of friends that came in and out of the house through the years, that eventually all became like family. My mother accepted everyone and if they needed a home to stay or a meal to eat, you got it!
My mother also was the care taker for all. She was at my granparent's home everyday, making them happy and doing what needed to be done there.
She worked a full time job. Something i only do half the year.
She cooked. Something i never do!
She watched who ever's kids needed to be watched for the evening.
She still made time for my dad. A very important thing for a successful marriage. They made saturdays their day!

She did many more things... things that i probally dont know the half of. All and all, my mother was like a super hero. People can say that i am alot like her, but when it comes down to it, i don't do half of what she did.
This month celebrates 6 years that she has had time to her self with out having to worry about the problems or the pain she went through. This month celebrates 6 years that she has been able to dance in Heaven with Jesus. This month has always been a month that i hate, but with writing this blog, it's opened my eyes that this should be a month that i love. This month celebrates my mother being free.


I love you Ma. I hope you are happy in Heaven with Jesus. Save a spot for me and help me with the walk through life. I can only pray to be half the women you were. I love you and miss you terribly.
Today my hoodie reads: Happy for my Mom

Today my hoodie reads: An outraged energy addict

This morning i went on a slight rampage about coffee. Coffee... you drink it not only because you like it, but because it does what? Gives you energy. Right? Right! Well, this is stupid, because coffee gives you energy but you are supost to have enough energy to go to the coffee maker and make the coffee. Then you sit down and wait the 5-10 minutes for it to make. AND THEN you need to find more energy to get back up, walk back over to the coffee maker and then mix your coffee how ever you like it?! You have to exert an awful lot of energy before you even get that first sip of coffee! You need to use an awful lot of energy before that first sip of energy even hits your veins! AND THEN.... and then, when you finally get your energy beverage, it's time to sit your butt down and drink it. something that requires minimal amount of energy. This is ridiculas! an outrage, if you will.
Today my hoodie reads: An outraged energy addict

My hoodie is titled Mumma today

I watch my little girl grow. And she cracks me up. I love her little lysp. I love her goofy little expressions. i love her humor. I love everything about her. Most of all i love it when i get called "Mumma." It warms my heart.

Today my hoodie reads :Thankful for my Lord Jesus Christ!

So... i decided that i need to stop with my ho-hum additude. Nobody wants to listen to me whine and thinking about how depressed i am does nothing but make things worse. so, i am declairing today that i am happy!
I love my Lord Jesus Christ and to sit here and be blah blah blah-ing does not show that being a christian women is a great experience. I have been through several things in my life that lead me to be a little depressed here and there, but no matter what, I love God and i thank Him for helping me through it all. I thank Him in several ways, and if anybody out there reads this, maybe it can inspire you to do the same or something like it.

I thank God everytime i pray. For the things i DO have and try not to dwell on what i don't.
I tithe weekly 10% of our income. (and the weeks that we don't, we still keep track of what we do owe the Lord. We're by no means perfect and don't always tithe. We are still working on our trust. And trying to learn to put our full trust in Jesus)
I did this a couple years ago and am not sure why exactly i stopped. But i started doing it agian a couple weeks ago. I fast (give up) something for a week. This week it is chocolate. Last week it was coffee (which was a very hard one for me) and the week before it was soda. Next week will be chips (including crackers and popcorn and such). I am not always perfect at this. I have messed up a couple times this week, not relizing it until after the fact. So, i believe the Lord will forgive me, because it's not like i am eating the chocolate with it on my mind that i shouldn't. On day one (sunday) i ate a peanut butter cup and quickly relized i done wrong and didn't continue to eat the other 2 i had grabbed. 2 days ago, i took a small bite of my sister's chocolate chip pancake and then figured out i done wrong a couple hours later. Then yesterday i had hot chocolate mixed with coffee.
So, as you can see, i messed up quite a bit this week. But i am sorry and will try harder.

I try to listen to what the Lord wants from me. I gave alcohol up for a year, the whole time thinking it would be a forever thing. I was by no means an alcoholic or drank a lot. But i did love wine. I loved everything about it. Learning about it and trying differant ones. It was a passion. I learned that i should of been putting those passionate feelings towards Jesus and the Bible, rather than something that some see as a sin. I don't believe drinking is a sin, but i believe if you drink to get drunk, that is a sin. You are to treat your body as a temple and drinking to get drunk is doing the opposite. A little while ago, i felt i got the okay from Him to drink agian. But i will try with my hardest to not forget the lesson i learned.

*Sigh* so, when i comes down to it. Today i am happy that i have a Savior that loves me enough to give His life for me and take all the pain and punishment for my sins. So, i am putting a smile on my face and forgetting why i was upset. I can't be angry that i haven't gotten pregnant, i have a beautiful daughter and a wonderful son. There are people in the world that don't have that. So, i need to be thankful for what i do have.
My mother died almost 6 years ago. At least i knew she loved me and she was a wonderful mother for the 17 years i did have her. Some kids never get to have a loving mother or a mother at all. I need to be thankful for WHAT I DO/DID have.
My 12 year old neice has cancer. The outlook is that she will be okay. Thank the Lord! He could have taken her home to heaven. Also, she has a great love for Jesus and through this i believe she will touch many lives.
All and all i need to be thankful.

Today my hoodie reads :Thankful for my Lord Jesus Christ!

I've reliazed that my hoodie these days are filled with bordom!

My feet are cold. My belly aches. I seem antsy... but i don't know why. i just wish i could be calm, relaxed and happy. but it seems like latley i can't get there.
i guess i don't have a whole lot to write about. my life these days are pretty boring.
maybe later i will think of something else to complain about...

Emotional Cab Driver

Yesterday was a pretty bad day. I am not really sure why, but i think it had alot to do with nightmares i had the night before. i don't remember details but i know it had alot to do with my neice (who has cancer) and my mother (who passes away from cancer). I just felt like an emotional mess yesterday. That's alright. i am better today.
Today my hoodie reads, "nervous taxi cab driver." Not really a taxi cab driver, but i am bringing people differant places. I am bringing my neices back to their mother. Then i am bringing my son to meet his new baby sister at his biological mother's house. Why am i nervous? i don't really know my way around Bangor and dont know how to get to andruw's mom house.
Well, i have a headache and need a high dose of coffee to deal with the rest of the day!

An over veiw of what my hoodie reads;
emotional
driving around today
ignorant of bangor
in need of coffee!

This hoodies has a lot of kid's names on it!

It was def a long week. The majority of the week i wore a "daycare provider" hoodie. Watching anywhere from 6 to 9 kids, ranging in age from 1-4 (with the exception of my 9 year old son yesterday.). I tell ya, these kids poop ya out!
Today my hoodie reads "auntie" and will until monday. I have my two neices over. They are good kids. But i wasn't really expecting 2 more little ones for 2.5 days. Soo... i woke up at 7:30 and began cleaning. My house was a disaster after not being home all week to clean. I got the whole downstairs cleaned but upstairs is still kind of scary!
The girls are now here and are being lovely. They are my brother's kids, who is going through a divorce. And my bro is in NY taking a seeing eye dog course for a month! So, their mother dropped them off this morning and of course my heart broke. The younger one's hair wasn't brushed and when i brushed it, the grease was obviouse. I asked when the last time they took a bath was, and she told me, "last weekend at auntie's house." PAUSE... are you serious?! you are home alll week long and your mother doesn't make you wash or brush your teeth or your hair?! Then the older one was wearing tights with holes all through them. It just does not look like they are being cared for properly. And of course their father can't step in. His ex-wife won't even let him talk to the girls via phone all week. FAT BAG!
*sigh* i really shouldn't be so judgemental, but it breaks my heart to see my brother's kids not be cared for properly. So, in a little bit we are taking them up to walmart and buying them toothbrushes, boots and a pair of clothes. annnd... maybe a toy ;)

On a lighter note, i love my husband:)

My son's mother had another baby yesterday. A little girl. And named her the name that i was going to name my next daughter....
Then my friend is in the hospital, having her baby. A little girl.
My best friend is still pregnant and doing well.
I tried for a year to get pregnant with Luci. It's not as long as some people try and i thank the Lord that i finally did get pregnant and have a beautiful little girl.
I wouldn't mind having another baby. I guess the Big Guy upstairs will decide when the right time is... i just wish He would decide to have it happen soon. we've been trying for 4 months now with no luck. and now all this baby talk and pregnant people gets me blue. But like i said, i am thankful for what i have and shouldn't get myself worked up about it. God's will will be done <3

Okay, i am done complaining for now.

So, an over veiw:
My hoodie also reads;
Day care provider
Upset Auntie
In Love
Baby Blue
Thankful
complaining


Until next time!

Today my hoodie reads, "wishing to be skinny, but not trying overly hard."

So, my hubby and i are going on a cruise in about 2 months. A cruise! Western Carribean. I want to look HOT! i want to rock out sexy little sun dresses and look cute in a bathing suit. I want him to find me irrasistable! Only problem is... well... I am slightly chubby and well, i dont try too hard to change it. Most people would say then, "stop complainning if you're not willing to try." Mehh... you got a point. I get it.
              I do try though... in the summer time. But this is it. I need to look good for the cruise. Tonight i am going to work out with Molly. Yeah, i have to lie and say i am her lover to get in for free. But hey, we'll just add that to the list of who i am. lol. I also brought the kiddos swimming today. So there's more workout. Yayy. I might do this... Hmm... yeah. We'll see.

An Over veiw:
My Hoodie also says that i am...
chubby
going on a cruise
not motavated
not a good speller
a sister-in-law
"a lesbian lover"
a liar
trying not overly hard to loose weight.

Who wears my hoodie?

"You have a blog? What a loser!" The wonderful words of my husband. Yeah, I might be a loser, but i am okay with it. I want to share what it's like to live a day in my hoodie. No, i don't mean it in any sexual way. I mean it like, you hear "walk in my shoes" and blah blah blah. Well, i'm kind of known to wear a hoodie. Why not?

        Okay, My name is Renee. I am 23 years old. I am a mother. A wife. A daughter. A sister. A neice. A granddaughter. An auntie. A co-worker. A waitress. A christian. Head of women's ministries in my church. A pastor-to-be's wife. A home-owner. A car-owner.
        And this is only the start of who i am...
As we go day by day, wearing my hoodie, i hope you can learn or be helped or just be able to relate to what i hold on my shoulders and how i get by. I'm not saying a have a bad life. i actually have a lovely life. But like most people in this world, i go through trails and hard times.
     So... i guess this is it. Welcome to my journey of this thing called life!